What not to wear, according to Ephesians 6

  • Sumo

This is the very unauthorised version of Ephesians 6:10-20. If the apostle Paul were a modern Australian, even a church-goer, it might run like this:

10Finally, be strong when you grab what you want. 11Put on the whole casual wardrobe of God, that you may be able to chill with style despite the attacks of the evil power of ‘busyness.’ 12For we do not struggle against flesh and blood – certainly not! – nor against any spiritual powers of darkness. It would be so naive to believe in those authorities.
13Therefore, take up the whole wardrobe of God, for he dresses you in a way that’s chic yet not flashy, and in the end people will say, ‘You’ve got style.’
14Stand, therefore, having fastened the belt of clichés that don’t offend, and having put on the breastplate of ‘My life is mine and no business of yours’, 15and, as shoes for your feet, the readiness to move to a new church or set of relationships when things become a little challenging.
16In all circumstances take up the shield of self-confidence, with which you can extinguish the flaming darts of conscience; 17and take the helmet of niceness, and the sword of the Spirit, which is that inner voice that we claim to be from God, 18praying occasionally in the car, with a couple of half-hearted standard requests.
To that end, don’t become too enthusiastic or obsessed, but generally forget to pray for anyone other than self, 19though sometimes for Christians in the public eye, that they won’t open their mouths so much and embarrass us with all their God-talk, 20especially those whose lame excuse is ‘God’s word is clear and compelling.’